found the possible J

yeah on my journey to future.
actually I've losen up a little bit , and can talk normally with people just like i used to be. it does really make me happy cause i finally can bound myself to trust human again. i even made some friends.. well actually even before i have so many friends .. but no one understand me or really see me. so for this past month i have this feeling of .. founding my long lost love.
well..
i dont know whether i have felt this before. but the accuration for this statement is still unstable. SOOOO.
you guys want to know whos who?
hahha
now yurachyan have her first crush ever. Oh my.. its a drama . His name is lets just call him Rinkun, Rinkun is a well built man, and uh no kidding i can see his manness just too well.. hes height is about 178 and he has a man built structure.
while my possiblilty . of J is a really skinny,, no,.. a bit skinny young adult,, his age is still 16 of course, and he will reach 17! at the age of 17 he will begin to realize something.. well im just gonna wait for this guy.. call him Jkun.

this is me now.. uh well yeah i lengthen my hair, and it works.. kkun really look at me and call me pretty. but now that my eyes have open. hes really not for me. LOL

this is us.. sisters in God .. we were taking photos together with nathalie took!! it was a really fun moment!



well.
lets stop here
BUBYE LOVEEE

NOW 2013, CHANGES

hey.. i havent post anything lately. i was completely forget about 'i-have-a-blog' LOL.

now i just kinda change. and maybe heres some message to the old naomi.

" dear past naomi

youve been through a lot , u cried, you fought.. you loved, im just gonna tell you that you still cry, and fight. maybe you can just forget about the love thing. Since ,,.. its not love afterall.., maybe were obsessed with Kkun, it just.. now everything has change. i let my bangs grow, just like you want it, and i continued our project! everything has become more clearer, and i begin to realize that im not really a HUMANIST, and maybe I dont consider myself as a human, so let me just live the life He gave me. I bet God was troubled which body should i enter, but He endep up chosing this 'Naomi.. i guaranteed theres always a purpose behind every action.. although maybe sometimes there are no reasons at all. anyway, just let it be. Let Kkun go, let your mind free,.. you stop cutting too.. its a really good thing you know? im glad for you,, and now youre fighting against the urge to cut or being a suicidal. Cause afterall i dont want to be the same as humans. Theyre filthy , but also precious.. i have to protect them, from what actually.. from themselves, for not being so human and being too over fleshed.

LOVE FUTURE


dont worry naomi, J. he will come for you no matter when. its not the time that im worry about, I'm really anxious about my mental state when i finally get to meet you . im really afraid of my human, i hope you can understand me someday .. or maybe heal me instead.. in the name of Love ! you make me choose between human and my clan. probably it will work, but i have no idea about whats going to happen next. Just a hunch, its gonna be a great day tomorrow." :)

Im also happy today theres a guy.. lets call him kiokun,, he said things like this " dont worry , be happy naomi.. everything is gonna be okay, its gonna be alright"

kiokun perhaps doesnt know that , even if its just words that just popped up in his head, i dont care.. but those words really affect me, it means so much to me, finally i feel like im touching the ground again after a long time being lost.

IN ALL OF THIS CONFUSION
im also confused about whos going to be my J?
KKUN?
AKUN?
DURARAKUN?
KIOKUN?
DIKKUN?
actually there are so many candidates so i cant say em all..
let me share pic , about how i look in this year 2013.


or maybe later,.. i really should go to sleep, tomorrow will be hell on heaven.

LIFE1

i've been seeing a lot of people that broked down, or hurt, or broken inside on instagram . i mean, maybe i dont know your life, I dont know what pain you have been through. You've been struggling to live, I respect people who dont say word DIE so easily. I mean it, LIFE is not a game you know? when you broke down and you posted I WANNA DIE on twitter . I just thought like ,(THEN DIE ALREADY) not that i dont care about you , i care thats why i thought about it. You guys are just showing off, so people will see, and tell you not to die and in the end you just gonna say it( i wanna die )more often so people will notice you . I know when you see this you will disagree with me. and you gonna say " You know nothing about me , you know nothing about pain!". HOOOOOO.. tell me about it. I've through a lot. I said i wanna die, and nobody cares. i said i want to cut myself, i want to jump from 100th floor building (LOL) , keep on saying die die die die die. ah.. i was worthless thinking about how to escape reality. Not only you have to be strong but you have to be a shining star. God gave you life, its not nothing. ITS EVERYTHING. and please people! think ahead. Words are just words in the end. Its not a real knife that will stabbed you till death. It just a word that hurt a lot. But you know what? when people say bad things about you.. let them be. cause nobody can change the fact that you are alive. You are strong! you are beautiful ! BUT dont stuck in selfishness, that people cant accept you for who you are, actually ITS ALWAYS BEEN YOUR FAULT that you cut your self, that you are being sucha coward towards life. Come on, who has made that false decision from the first? yeah maybe when someone die because they cant take it anymore , or maybe for different reason, you want to make your friend whose bullying you all the time feeling guilty right? maybe it will work. BUT COULD YOU PLEASE THINK OF YOUR FUTURE???????!!!! when you are only 16 and kill youself doesnt it sound like so useless? maybe you just tired that nobody cares , nobody looked at you, everyone thinks you're ugly. Start with love yourslef more, being you is more precious than money. people are cruel , society are cruel, but please be strong. at least people who DONT HAVE MONEY they can live longer than you, eventhough they lived on the streets, begging for money, they are alive and they dont cut themself, they struggles to BE YOU!!! CHERISHED WHAT U HAVE NOW. cause many people wants to be you, sitting on a nice couch, watching movie, havng a family. Once i only thought about FUTURE, everything about Die and die and die are just a memory. A really bad memory. You are more precious than you could ever imagine.
continue next im tired to write all of my thought at the same time lolrs.